just doesn’t feel the same….like we haven’t talked anything related to sexual stuff at all…
Feels like everythings changing already, sighh
i know how much you’ve changed…but what if, just what if you change yourself back to the normal innocent you? i know it’d be a selfish thing to do… but what about me? do i support you and leave my sexual desires…? its so hard… its kinda selfish for me too because i just want you to be who you are right now without thinking what people say, or anything before what his face was talking to you about. it hurts. it really does. i was shaking earlier because of you. i dont know what to expect. you said it might change the relationship. maybe its just me being scared. everything was fine up to the point where you decided to talk to whats his face about his ex. she isnt you. maybe i did contaminate you but what does that matter? i dont give a fuck what people say about me, but i guess youre different. as much as you want to forget, it wont be forgotten. you need to figure yourself out? i dont think you need to. what are you going to do? try to change back? do you realize how hard it would be? and if you change, what about me? your boyfriend for half a year?
thank you. thanks for making feel like im a horrible boyfriend because i dont want to experience the same pain again.
what happened, happened. maybe ill write more about it after some thinking
looool and there goes me again, swinging moods wooot. my shower was a bit long loool but i guess i couldn’t surprise you with a call rather than a message since you were already in a call with your dad then with someone else. didnt really quite understand since you said you were talking to your dad then immediately to someone else. guess im the last in line LOL whatever. its really nothing i should be ‘mad’ about but sometimes its not nice to know that im not really a priority LOOL whaatevaaa
i guess we have our different point of views and i guess we just have different opinions on society. guess its hard for you to take a step into my life, and it’ll probably be just as hard as i take a step in yours. i guess i shouldn’t expect you to belong with my group of friends because simply there not the type of friends you would think you can connect to. guess its just one of those awkward things that you just don’t want to get yourself into. i guess i really cant guarantee that you’ll be happy whenever we’re with my friends nor can i really guarantee that you’ll feel like you belong. Sorry for making you try so hard. Sorry not understanding you. Sorry for blaming you. Sorry everything.
I don’t even know.
this is probably just my mood right now but i’ll just say it anyways. it’s like this: how would you feel if i said i was bored but then i wasn’t bored anymore because i found another girl to make me not bored while i’m skyping you? i’m sure this isn’t the greatest feeling because i’m probably not very entertaining to you, but at least you don’t make it so obvious that you have someone better to not make you bored lol. you wanted to skype me because you were bored, okay (maybe i can help you not get bored?) then you found yourself another guy who can actually make you not bored (okay then what’s the point of skyping anymore then?) y’know what i’m saying?
disappointments, after disappointments. how do i even deal with them anymore ahah, but i guess this one was an exception. maybe i was doing too much. too much public display of affection. i don’t even know anymore lol. but i guess the only solution is to accept the fact that its my problem. too much for you to handle. maybe i am forcing you to do things, maybe some of things i needa control and not get mad at you every single time something doesnt go the way i want it to be. and i guess i needa change myself, in order to adjust for you. im really hotheaded to be honest, i always try to hold these things in, but sometimes it just slips out and i have to deal with it and lie to say “of course not, why would i ever be mad at you” or something like that. its kinda difficult to read me because my feelings are everywhere. i can jump from being all clingy to just simply ignoring you. its harsh i know, but im trying my best to control it. not to mention i have these “sense” of insecurities sometimes but i just let it slip by because i know nothings really going on. but lets leave that for some other time ahah. maybe youre just normal. by means normal, i mean like normal to dislike pda in school and such, but in a way i guess i am kinda controlling you to do things that you didnt want to do. guess its time for another change. but this better not be another one of those deja vu again, because i will be fucking pissed off if this exact thing happens again. i appreciate that you told me all this, i wouldn’t have known. hopefully things will go the way you want.