I don’t even know if the things I do is right anymore
am i really overprotecting? and controlling her i guess? or is a normal thing to do
guess time will tell, its not like everything i do is helping anyways, take all the time and break you need. starting to get scared
I know how much damage the incident to you, and I’m sincerely sorry because everything’s my fault. Could’ve prevent it from happening. I’m so so sorry. They said they didn’t see anything but we probably can’t guarantee that. I know it will take some time for you to forget and recover from this incident and I totally understand. But it just feels all weird and off whenever I’m talking to you or texting you. I can see that you’re trying to make it ‘normal’ (I guess) but I could be wrong. It’s just so negative and dry sometimes… I don’t know how I can help. I tried cuddling with you, I tried to talk to you, I tried to comfort you….I tried a lot of things to make you feel better. That night I didn’t get any sleep at all…you shut me out so I couldn’t really do anything, not to mention I couldn’t really sleep either because I was so scared when you were crying your eyes out :/ I just didn’t know what to do… I had some tears but they were that intense as yours LOL. I was literally sitting there for 45minutes until I wanted to brush you face and thing…not trying to be creepy because you kinda freaked out when I did that… it was pretty disheartening to see you like that…I just felt so useless, I felt so stupid. This was supposed to be a really memorable moment for you and I fucked it up hard for you. I could only sit there and watch you cry until you past out. I’m so sorry baby. I just wish I could’ve done so much more for you. But this time period is just so heartbreaking and a little tiring. I know you need lots of time, I can respect that. I’m trying so hard to just keep you happy, keep conversations alive, make sure you feel good. I guess it takes a little time before you realize I really miss you until I say it a third time.. I don’t plan to make this a big deal but it’s nice to know that you’re missing me sometimes you know…I just need to find a way to relight our spark. :c I still remember the smiles on your face during our many dates, especially the very first one where you were just so happy. I really really really want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m saying this now and I will say it in 10 years. I’ve never been so close to anybody before so it’s still a little bit new on the environment. But I just love you so much… I really do. I want you to feel loved and cared for regardless what happens. I want you to know that I’m there for you whenever you need it. I know I’m clingy. I’m trying my best to ‘pretend’ like I don’t know anything that’s happening at school while I’m gone, and I’m trying my best to protect you. I’m probably overprotecting you and I’m sorry. I’ll give as much space as you need but just please stay. I want to cuddle with you whenever I can. I want to have hugs and kisses whenever I see you. I want to have good talks and listen to your problems whenever you need me to listen. There’s just so much more things I want to do with you. You’re my only. I’m so sorry for everything. I love you miss <3 don’t forget that.
i don’t even know anymore…
just doesn’t feel the same….like we haven’t talked anything related to sexual stuff at all…
Feels like everythings changing already, sighh
i know how much you’ve changed…but what if, just what if you change yourself back to the normal innocent you? i know it’d be a selfish thing to do… but what about me? do i support you and leave my sexual desires…? its so hard… its kinda selfish for me too because i just want you to be who you are right now without thinking what people say, or anything before what his face was talking to you about. it hurts. it really does. i was shaking earlier because of you. i dont know what to expect. you said it might change the relationship. maybe its just me being scared. everything was fine up to the point where you decided to talk to whats his face about his ex. she isnt you. maybe i did contaminate you but what does that matter? i dont give a fuck what people say about me, but i guess youre different. as much as you want to forget, it wont be forgotten. you need to figure yourself out? i dont think you need to. what are you going to do? try to change back? do you realize how hard it would be? and if you change, what about me? your boyfriend for half a year?
thank you. thanks for making feel like im a horrible boyfriend because i dont want to experience the same pain again.